LARR'S 30 TODAY!!

In honor of this momentous occasion, I'd like to present a checklist for people Larr's age. As we all know, confusion begins to set in as folks get older, so many of you 30 year olds may be asking yourself, "Okay, so...am I officially an old grown-up now? Well here's how you can tell: (WARNING! Some of these are unsuitable for children or especially mortifying for grandparents to read! Proceed with caution!)

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."

6. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

7. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

8. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

9. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

10. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

11. You feed your dog Purina instead of McDonald's leftovers.

12. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

13. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

14. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

15. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

16. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

17. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again"

Happy Birthday, Larr! I love you!